I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
