Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
