He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
