So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
