You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
