if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He shit in the fireplace
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
