so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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