but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
