watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
