just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
a search helicopter?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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