I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
