I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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