sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
