can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
