the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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