Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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