something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
