This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love