If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
