Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
