I wish they made helmets for livers.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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