..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"