One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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