I hate your face
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.