thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening