Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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