Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
