woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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