Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
