You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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