She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
