then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?