Who did Billy Mays play for?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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