so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This baby is an asshole
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
