I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
