I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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