If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize