Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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