i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
