So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got inside last night via doggy door
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
