You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
