It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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