if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This baby is an asshole
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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