Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
