This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
