Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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