Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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