dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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