So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
