yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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