Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
