Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
