i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
