my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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