Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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