Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
