i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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