So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
