I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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