I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
