she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize