So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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