All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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