I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
