i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
