You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
