I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
