I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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