It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
