is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
