so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
