We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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