yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
