He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
