All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
