matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
