wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
