Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
