yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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