11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
