How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
