Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
