Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
