i will never coherently bang her
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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