my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
