God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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