When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
