we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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