Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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