Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
